If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put the D inside of U

*Points to ur girlfriend’s bumhole*

are you gonna eat that?

69ing while doing a 360 degree bong rip 420 blaze it

Booty Crack President ‘13

Treat that pussy like a lady

Sodom and Fedora

Called a girl “dude” today, so I guess I can kiss that pussy goodbye.

I’m prepared to sell the rights to my butthole and the back of my throat for a pic of Katy Perry’s bush.

I want to pull a girl’s hair during sex, but her armpit hair though…

I once got a virus on my brother’s laptop from looking up the lyrics to “Girls Just Wanna Fun”.

When I smoke the reefer, I turn into such a ladies man. What I’m trying to say is I grinded on some Black chick at my Prom.

I poop in my hand and place it in the toilet bowl so it doesn’t make a splashing sound.

My friend from high school, who’s now a woman, wants me to go to her drag show, and I’m so bored I’m seriously considering it, because there’s nothing in my life, at the moment, that would be as provocative and different than going to a drag show, that being said, I wonder what could top that, a tiger pit-fight, an acid trip at my Grandma’s house, surfing naked? 

A mixture of stress, boredom, and depression makes me watch some real freaky-ass porn.

If I don’t eat for a couple days, there’ll still be enough money in my bank account for Netflix